Are you dumb? (Reloaded)


Aug 14

This is an enquiry e-mail via from:

Michael <>

{102}{}{You see an extremely tall and lanky ghoul with long hair.}

{110}{}{I am Wooz. What do you want?} {700}{}{Are you dumb?}

First, this isn’t my real email address or full name…after reading your last post my obviously horrifying fear of Woot….

{510}{}{Usually I just pound on the hollow heads of my customers -— sort of like bongos. How the hell did they ever let you out of your village? You’re a danger to yourself and others.}


{520}{}{You fell out of the stupid tree and hit every damn branch on the way down, didn’t you?} {110}{}{I am Wooz., not Woot.}

…has forced me into hiding behind this persona.  However, I doubt that his services will be needed for this. All that I am asking is that you take a couple minutes and read this brief email, and then I won’t bother you again.

{122}{}{I’ll show you dumb. Talking to me like that is dumb. I’m the Chosen One, you know.}

{260}{}{Oh, the Chosen One. Oh my, I didn’t realize. I’ll just try to stop shaking long enough to tell you something then. (Wooz smiles) Come closer and I’ll whisper it to you.}

To be completely honest, I don’t care about John, and I really have no desire to meet him or ever know where he lives.  Its very clear that he has no desire to teach and may never have in the first place from the research that I’ve done.  And I don’t need any significant education from you either, so after this you don’t have to worry about me taking up any more of your time.

{220}{}{ Have you seen an apple, lately?}

{221}{}{An apple?}

{230}{}{I just love apples, but there aren’t many left anywhere. I hardly ever see them.}

{231}{}{I didn’t know you were such a fruit fetishist.}{232}{}{I’ve heard that you could really savor an apple because they were so slow to eat.}

{240}{}{Slow?!? You are dumb. Fuck you! Apples are just as fast to eat as any other fruit. Apples rule. If it weren’t for a conspiracy on the part of fruit manufacturers we’d all have apples.}

{242}{}{Oh, yes… apples really are wonderful. (You back away slowly) Yes, that’s right. Good Wooz, easy there.}

As you can imagine its been a complicated road trying to find some answers to some very simple questions.  You probably don’t remember, but my first step was to try and contact you about two years ago now.  I obviously had no luck.  Then about a year ago I was able to make contact with Jim McMillan.  At first, I thought I’d struck gold.  We exchanged several emails with me asking quite a few questions, and him ultimately ranting about how John wasn’t the man he thought he was, and how his life was unfair because he’d worked so hard, etc. etc.  After that…more failures elsewhere.

{301}{}{Uh, I’m really sorry I pissed you off, Mr. Wooz. I just wanted to ask you something.} {304}{}{Uh, did I tell you how much I really just love apples?}

{310}{}{Really? I didn’t know that. Well, if you love apples, I guess you can’t be all bad. Now, what the hell do you want?}

In any case it seems I’ve come back “full-circle” in taking one last shot in the dark that you might be willing to give me some kind of answers.  I understand your annoyance of being bombarded by probably thousands of emails, calls, etc. over the past decade, but I’m hoping you can at least understand that you really are my last real option.  Also, on a side note, I hope on some level that despite your annoyance you feel a little proud that your work has reached so many people.  Its something that most authors never accomplish so for what its worth, congrats on that.

{530}{}{Yeah, it’s all about a head, see. But it’s not attached to a body. You see, it’s been severed.}

{531}{}{A severed head. I see. And this becomes entertaining when?}

{540}{}{Now just hold on a minute. This severed head, you see, it’s in Hell. (hah, hah) And it flies around there, you know, in Hell. And it runs into all kinds of famous people there… (ho, ho, ho)}

{541}{}{Wait, a severed head is in Hell, and it flies around…doing what?}

{550}{}{Well, it’s doing stuff. (hee, hee) You know. It’s got, things that it wants to do, or maybe things it’s forced to do. The point is, it’s doing stuff, you know, there in Hell. Oh God, (hah, hah, hah) I just can’t stand it!}

{551}{}{You kind of obsess about this, don’t you? Hmm.}

{560}{}{No, you just don’t understand. It’s all about a severed head. Get it? Heh, heh, heh, It’s funny! How can you think about a severed head, in Hell of all places, and not laugh?}

{562}{}{Oh. I see. Why, yes. Of course; that’s very funny. Heh heh. I just can’t contain my amusement… But enough enjoyment — oh, my splitting sides — I need to ask you something.}

{570}{}{Fuck you! You’re just like all the rest of them. I tell, you it’s hilariously funny. It’s not my fault that you don’t have a sense of humor.}

{571}{}{You’re right, Wooz. I guess I’m just not as clever as you are. You’re truly a pearl amongst swine. Now tell me something else.}

What I am looking for is simple, yet something that few people really know.  A few basic questions that have been gnawing at me for years…

{601}{}{See? I told you it was funny. Is there anything else you need?}

Can the correct training produce the results that you wrote about in your books? Essentially, can people with proper knowledge and training become something…more?  In your opinion (with your experiences and knowledge), what are the depths of this…in other words, where do you personally think the limits of this training are?

{600}{}{Are you dumb? I already told you all about it. You must have a really short memory.}

You’ll see that these are pretty basic in nature.  I am not looking for lessons, or to become a student, or anything like that.  All I’m asking for is 5 minutes of your time; a short response that at least gives me some basic answers that I’ve been trying to find for far too long.

{706}{}{I wouldn’t shit you on this one.} {745}{}{Is Wim Hof the Buddha?}

In any case, best of luck to you in the future.

{300}{}{Fuck you! You are dumb. What the hell do you want here?}

{302}{}{Fuck me? Fuck you! Your bar sucks. I’m out of here.} {195}{}{ I must have a hole in my head for wanting to buy drinks for a bunch of rotting zombies.}


9 Responses

  1. Yiannis Sampalis  •  August 15, 2012 @7:08 pm

    Wooz is fun!! More Wooz, please!

  2. Kostas Dervenis  •  August 15, 2012 @8:21 pm

    Wooz is da Man. I will try to answer any questions of the type Wooz is apt to respond to using his original dialogue files, as I have done above.

  3. Sufi  •  August 16, 2012 @5:49 am

    This is blasphemy! This is madness!
    This ….is… Wooz !!

  4. Jacek  •  August 20, 2012 @2:40 pm

    To the One desperatly searching for teacher of neikung arts:

    There some teachers around transmitting neikung teachings. If you made your research (even google baised) then you probably know / heared/ read about them:

    -Master Jiang Feng, his student’s romanian website is (censored by Wooz)
    There are some foreigners studing with him. It is said (I do not personally practise with him) that couple of his student reached yin yang gong.

    – David Verdesi, (censored by Wooz). My teacher, good powerful practises (I am still beginner/ learning practise properly but this stuff is good)

    – teachers of students from (censored by Wooz) — I took this from google but they seem to be studing with accomplished masters.

    Do not try to force Kostas (or anyone else )to teach you If he has no desire to teach those arts. Find people who are willing to teach you.

    Good luck!

  5. Kostas Dervenis  •  August 31, 2012 @5:38 pm

    {100}{}{You see a tall ghoul with long hair.}
    {101}{}{You see Wooz.}
    {111}{}{What do you want now? Are you dumb?}
    {116}{}{Have you ever heard of something called a Garden of Eden Pill?}
    {130}{}{A Garden of Eden Pill? You mean the pill included with every vault that is supposed to be used when the people leave the vault so that they can reach enlightenment?}
    {131}{}{Yes! That’s it! Where can I find one?}
    {120}{}{Are you dumb? Why are you looking for a GEP here? Try a vault.}
    {184}{}{I guess I am dumb. Sorry.}{121}{}{Where is the nearest vault?}
    {270}{}{Nearest vault? Gee, I don’t know.} {470}{}{Those assholes in the Vault. They’re fucking crazed. Anyone’s not just as fucked up in the head as they are and they want to kill them. I’d watch myself around them, if I were you.}
    {162}{}{Well, that describes a lot of people. Nothing new in that.}
    {300}{}{Fuck you! You’re dumb. What the hell do you want here?}
    {302}{}{Fuck me? Fuck you! Your bar sucks. I’m out of here.}
    {290}{}{Fuck YOU!!! Now get out of my bar. Chosen one. Sheesh, what a loser.}

  6. Sufi  •  September 1, 2012 @7:57 pm

    Dear aspiring students
    For those of you who may be interested in learning nei kung . I am a great master of the secret ping pong pie lineage !
    and until recently have only kept my doors open to celebrities. you may have witnessed some of my students abilities on the big screen.currently im teaching tom cruise how to fly for his new movie.the reason i want to open my doors to everyone is because i need money, so if you want to become good looking , strong and powerful like tom cruise, then send me 3 easy payments of 4999.99usd and i will email you the secret teachings. hurry before i run out !!! super sale!!! buy now get half off !!!!

  7. Pete H  •  November 30, 2012 @1:23 am

    What’s with the curly braces in the Wooz dialog bits? Are they a reference to text adventures?

  8. Kostas Dervenis  •  November 30, 2012 @3:59 pm

    Dude! Uh, dialogue files? You need to cultivate your inner nerd.

  9. KenBrace  •  June 21, 2014 @8:01 pm


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